Home – A Dream or a Dream to far?
Hi – To all, as Pastor Steve Kok have mentioned in his blog, my name is Francis Elijah Kok, and I will share my testimony when I am ready. Please read my testimony with an open mind and heart, because this is a testimony from a real life prodigal son. And I chose my birthday today – 30th November to share this and since I am already 41, I intend to something meaningful.
I guess it is time and I titled my sharing as above : Home – or a dream too far?
Where do I start or how to begin? I will use the story of the Prodigal Son to launch my sharing. All should be familiar with the story of the Prodigal son written in the Bible, it is written that the son returned to open arms of his father and mother…….but to me, it have been remained yet still a dream or a wish.
To start, I came from a simple family of four, I am the youngest with an elder sister. Though we were baptized as Christian at the age of 15 in a Methodist Church, I confessed our faith have never been strong – or is it the fear of insecurity that we are poor and not well-to-do as other church members? I really don’t can answer, but as far as I can remember, I find it difficult to fit in during youth meetings or groups meetings.
Guess time passed quickly and I passed my STPM but not able to get into a university and because of financial reason I did not get into any private college at all. At that time, I am still an innocent kid to life, to the streets. I found some work in a paging firm, work10 hours from 10pm -8am everyday and attend a private college in the day-time for my NCC Diploma in Computer Studies. My dream? If can’t be a lawyer, I hope to be a good programmer.
Where did my down fall started? I guess it started when I pushed myself to reach the heart of success. It started when I started resenting my mother when she forbids from this and that, even to the extend of trying out as a junior programmer because the starting pay is low and I have to temporary support the family because my sister resigned from her job to study full-time.
To cut the story short, I change jobs very fast, each time hoping to get a higher and better salary and of course with higher salary I am able to get a credit card and getting to know the wrong parties. I started to fall from grace and I cant blame anyone but myself. I sarted to get big-headed, wanting to start a business and earning big money. I started to get involve in the 3 big WWS : Wine,Women and Song. In time, I get into big debts and started borrowing from loan-sharks……… and this is my biggest down fall. At that time I am married with a nice and beautiful daughter. My parents bailed me out by selling our house.
Here is the beginning of my end….I pray that those who read my testimony, please when or if anyone of your members fall from grace, please pray and try to support them, and also churches, please not to condemn them, pray for them and give them a platform to stand again.
I was never really given the chance, after the sale of the house, everyday it will be non-stop nagging, scolding, condemning, I feel so lost, and I turn to alcohol to release myself. Again, I went deeper into sin…. I can’t find a job, everything I tried failed, even when I want to temporary drive a taxi,, my parents are against it, how to get cash or money? Again I turn to loan-sharks……… but this time I am not able to pay them back. What did I do? My brothers – I ran, I ran as far as I can. I left Malaysia to work in Singapore and it is so difficult to make ends meet.
I ran away for more than more than 10 years. The first few years it was so lonely out there, my mother refuses to let my wife to bring my daughter to see me, saying it is to punish me for my sins and wrongdoings. My daughter is about 4 then. During the years in Singapore I was lonely, so lonely that alcohol is my only friend. I tried going to a church, a famous church in Singapore, but when I confessed my sins, when I give my testimonial, there is no hands to assists me, I was out-chaste, I was chastise, but never a word of encouragement from members of the church. Because of my hard-drinking, I was never able to send money home. Somewhere along the line, I lost and found a new job. And this job is with the gambling or betting job, soccer betting. Deeper into sin, I invested into this venture also, I travelled to China, Thailand, Macau, Hong Kong and this world of sin is something that makes me fall deeper. All the women, all the drugs and all the sin you can buy with money.
Yet this venture failed. I lost my investment badly, my wife divorced me, and what breaks me is when I return to Malaysia, my daughter refuses to see me, can’t blame her then, for I have not done my part as father. I came back and work as a part-timer selling games for pc. Again I was offered a job work in a Soccer Betting environment. This time I met Pastor Steve Kok in Phnom Penh, Cambodia.
We met via Skype many months ago. I still harbour some hope to return and walk again in His path, so as to have the warmth and love of a family again…we chat for quite some time during breakfast, and somehow God work mysteriously. I am on the verge of losing this job of mine again and I will be flying home back to KL, Malaysia soon. God punishing me for time and time falling deeper into sin or God not wanting me to work in this environment anymore. I pray it is the latter.
I have started reading the Bible again, and praying to God again…..it is a struggle everyday to try and walk the right path. Every turn seems to be a wrong turn. At the time of writing this testimonial I am still unwanted back home. This prodigal son returns home to loneliness.
I hope and I pray that when I return home, I am able to find a stable job and use my experience as a programmer yet I feel so at lost now. I pray that to those who have read this testimony, do not give up hope. Continue praying, I am sure the light at the end of the tunnel will appear one day and do keep a small prayer for me. It is so difficult to walk right, and I am coming home to loneliness and emptiness. And I pray that also one day I might be able to see my daughter, she is 12 next year.
Pastor Steve have been an encouragement to me, until today, he never gives up on me, still wanting me to join him on his missions.
I pray that those who read his blogs and his visions, his writings, blogs and visions are not easily accepted by people, including myself, for his heart is true and he have the love of God in him.
Blessing,
Bro. Francis Elijah Kok
Hi – To all, as Pastor Steve Kok have mentioned in his blog, my name is Francis Elijah Kok, and I will share my testimony when I am ready. Please read my testimony with an open mind and heart, because this is a testimony from a real life prodigal son. And I chose my birthday today – 30th November to share this and since I am already 41, I intend to something meaningful.
I guess it is time and I titled my sharing as above : Home – or a dream too far?
Where do I start or how to begin? I will use the story of the Prodigal Son to launch my sharing. All should be familiar with the story of the Prodigal son written in the Bible, it is written that the son returned to open arms of his father and mother…….but to me, it have been remained yet still a dream or a wish.
To start, I came from a simple family of four, I am the youngest with an elder sister. Though we were baptized as Christian at the age of 15 in a Methodist Church, I confessed our faith have never been strong – or is it the fear of insecurity that we are poor and not well-to-do as other church members? I really don’t can answer, but as far as I can remember, I find it difficult to fit in during youth meetings or groups meetings.
Guess time passed quickly and I passed my STPM but not able to get into a university and because of financial reason I did not get into any private college at all. At that time, I am still an innocent kid to life, to the streets. I found some work in a paging firm, work10 hours from 10pm -8am everyday and attend a private college in the day-time for my NCC Diploma in Computer Studies. My dream? If can’t be a lawyer, I hope to be a good programmer.
Where did my down fall started? I guess it started when I pushed myself to reach the heart of success. It started when I started resenting my mother when she forbids from this and that, even to the extend of trying out as a junior programmer because the starting pay is low and I have to temporary support the family because my sister resigned from her job to study full-time.
To cut the story short, I change jobs very fast, each time hoping to get a higher and better salary and of course with higher salary I am able to get a credit card and getting to know the wrong parties. I started to fall from grace and I cant blame anyone but myself. I sarted to get big-headed, wanting to start a business and earning big money. I started to get involve in the 3 big WWS : Wine,Women and Song. In time, I get into big debts and started borrowing from loan-sharks……… and this is my biggest down fall. At that time I am married with a nice and beautiful daughter. My parents bailed me out by selling our house.
Here is the beginning of my end….I pray that those who read my testimony, please when or if anyone of your members fall from grace, please pray and try to support them, and also churches, please not to condemn them, pray for them and give them a platform to stand again.
I was never really given the chance, after the sale of the house, everyday it will be non-stop nagging, scolding, condemning, I feel so lost, and I turn to alcohol to release myself. Again, I went deeper into sin…. I can’t find a job, everything I tried failed, even when I want to temporary drive a taxi,, my parents are against it, how to get cash or money? Again I turn to loan-sharks……… but this time I am not able to pay them back. What did I do? My brothers – I ran, I ran as far as I can. I left Malaysia to work in Singapore and it is so difficult to make ends meet.
I ran away for more than more than 10 years. The first few years it was so lonely out there, my mother refuses to let my wife to bring my daughter to see me, saying it is to punish me for my sins and wrongdoings. My daughter is about 4 then. During the years in Singapore I was lonely, so lonely that alcohol is my only friend. I tried going to a church, a famous church in Singapore, but when I confessed my sins, when I give my testimonial, there is no hands to assists me, I was out-chaste, I was chastise, but never a word of encouragement from members of the church. Because of my hard-drinking, I was never able to send money home. Somewhere along the line, I lost and found a new job. And this job is with the gambling or betting job, soccer betting. Deeper into sin, I invested into this venture also, I travelled to China, Thailand, Macau, Hong Kong and this world of sin is something that makes me fall deeper. All the women, all the drugs and all the sin you can buy with money.
Yet this venture failed. I lost my investment badly, my wife divorced me, and what breaks me is when I return to Malaysia, my daughter refuses to see me, can’t blame her then, for I have not done my part as father. I came back and work as a part-timer selling games for pc. Again I was offered a job work in a Soccer Betting environment. This time I met Pastor Steve Kok in Phnom Penh, Cambodia.
We met via Skype many months ago. I still harbour some hope to return and walk again in His path, so as to have the warmth and love of a family again…we chat for quite some time during breakfast, and somehow God work mysteriously. I am on the verge of losing this job of mine again and I will be flying home back to KL, Malaysia soon. God punishing me for time and time falling deeper into sin or God not wanting me to work in this environment anymore. I pray it is the latter.
I have started reading the Bible again, and praying to God again…..it is a struggle everyday to try and walk the right path. Every turn seems to be a wrong turn. At the time of writing this testimonial I am still unwanted back home. This prodigal son returns home to loneliness.
I hope and I pray that when I return home, I am able to find a stable job and use my experience as a programmer yet I feel so at lost now. I pray that to those who have read this testimony, do not give up hope. Continue praying, I am sure the light at the end of the tunnel will appear one day and do keep a small prayer for me. It is so difficult to walk right, and I am coming home to loneliness and emptiness. And I pray that also one day I might be able to see my daughter, she is 12 next year.
Pastor Steve have been an encouragement to me, until today, he never gives up on me, still wanting me to join him on his missions.
I pray that those who read his blogs and his visions, his writings, blogs and visions are not easily accepted by people, including myself, for his heart is true and he have the love of God in him.
Blessing,
Bro. Francis Elijah Kok
